I pulled one of my soon to be Goddess Cards from my Surcadian Oracle and I have to say, that for some reason I was surprised to get Yum Chenmo. I guess I wasn’t feeling particularly transcendental. And perhaps that’s the point. After letting Her “sink in”, I realize I do need to relax, let things go. You know what they say about doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results! I think I will practice releasing today and working toward getting my head into a fresh space. This is what She has to say:

Yum Chenmo is a Tibetan deity. She is  often referred to as “The Great Mother” or “The Mother of all Buddhas” or Prajnaparamita. She is about emptiness-teaching and transcendental wisdom. In the Surcadian Oracle, Yum Chenmo sits in the Northern position of the Eastern Wheel. She combines the fire of new beginnings with wisdom and gnosis.

Recognizing that we are but thought-forms, our reality is what we create, we can eliminate suffering, or the attachment to what we believe to be true. It dissipates in the knowledge that all is illusion. All is empty. All is nothing. We shape, we create, we desire, we fear, we suffer. And when we let go, we know.

Yum Chenmo is the great mother who strokes your hair and soothes your soul. She breathes into you peace that comes with the wisdom. When she appears, it is time to let go. Let go of all you think you know. Let go of your attachments.  With a clear head and a clear heart we learn how to practice mindfulness, to align with natural and cosmological laws, to bring joy into our lives. With the emptying comes fulfillment.

This past week has been a bit tough on me emotionally. There was the verdict in Ferguson, the politics as usual, rape culture, misogyny, greed, illusion. Then of course there are always my own stresses and concerns. At one point I had to shut down the news and social media sites because it was all weighing too heavily on my heart. I had the luxury of stepping out. And when I returned, I came back to happiness, families, cooking and the opening of Holiday Season.

And then death, again. Much closer to home. Too close to home.

I had tried to turn away from the drama playing out in the world. I had tried to turn away from the pain I felt at all the injustices that were beyond my comprehension. I had tried to pretend that if we can just bake some pies everything would be okay, at least for me, in that moment. The outside world couldn’t touch me. I can’t even count all the close calls we’ve had this past year and somehow we made it through, not necessarily unhurt but unharmed. Everyday the illness and guns and bombs and violence and death would travel on down the road and miss my house. But this time as I watched it all pass by my window, someone turned around and looked at me.

I understand all too well that death walks among us everyday, holding the hand of life. But to know something and to experience something are too awfully different things.

Seeing the joys of the season contrasted against the backdrop of immeasurable pain and injustice is horrifying to me and leaves me at a loss.

What I do know is that I am no longer allowed to sit inside my home and continue to watch from the window. The pain of one is the pain of all. Today I will hug my babies. I will hug them so hard and remember all the Mama’s who can no longer hug theirs. I will grieve and be grateful. Grateful that I am still here, still breathing and therefore still able to make a change. Each day I will wake up and try again. And try again. And try again.

I had planned to take today to do some cleaning and laundry. Then I wanted to try making some chalk paint and paint my dining room chair cushions. I know, paint? on fabric? Risky. But that’s another story. The point of this one is that I “planned”. Silly me to think I know what’s best for me. It turns out life had some other plans, and well really, they were much better.

In the morning, a friend messaged me and wanted to stop by. Much more fun than cleaning. At least I thought, I could do the dishes and put in a load of laundry. While cleaning the kitchen I discovered a large leopard slug on the floor. ???  Being ridiculously soft hearted, I’ve no idea what to do with him, as killing him was not an option and it was too cold to put him outside. I found an old ricotta cheese container and my daughter and I went outside to collect some plant matter and dead leaves. I named him Percival. She named him Rosie. She is snuggled up with him on the couch now.

A short while later my friend arrived and we all sat down to talk about all sorts of things. Real things, gutsy, bloody, raw and honest things. We ate leftover Suvlaki and rice with Jufron.  And then talked some more.

Then another friend stopped by. He had made us a quilt. He had an intuition that he had to make this, and it was for us, and he had to use only things he already had. It was about gratitude. I believe it is about more. It is beautiful and amazing and magical.

In between all of this, another one of my daughter’s called. She was sick and emotional. She arrived a bit later and I made her a turkey Panini and we talked. And then talked some more.

While we talked the ceiling in our back room fell in. Right on top of my paintings that I was storing there. I had to open up the room that we keep closed off because, obviously it is in disrepair, and now a little more so. I pulled my paintings out and dried them off. It was good to see them again.

It’s now past eight and I should be getting kids to bed. But today felt magical. In ways I’m still discovering. I wish to savor it a bit.

A slug, a ceiling, a quilt, a friend and family.

Slugs are strong. Their whole body is really just one big muscle. They move slowly and of course the slime trail! It made me think about being strong in a different way, not by way of using a shell, but by way of adapting, changing shape, camouflage. They seem to be able to let go, nothing “sticks” to them. They live simply, using what is already around them for food and shelter.  And just maybe he is telling me to slow down.  That’s just what I did today.

I got to slow down. Talking with my husband and our friend reconfirmed some things for me. Also, it was just plain good to talk with another who is so like minded. Someone who walks her talk.

And then the quilt. The quilt made by another dear friend using only what he already had. I think about the resources that we have, the abundance that we have but maybe are not seeing. It is a physical example of reworking, rethinking, re-sourcing, re-using and creating something from pieces that is useful, beautiful and so meaningful. Gratitude. A perfect example of living simply and using what is already around us.

Talking with my daughter made me think about strength.  She is very strong but she doesn’t think so. She thinks strong means you have an impenetrable shell. Her strength is in her vulnerability, her willingness to be honest, her ability to feel. Even when the “feels” hurt. I’m very proud of her.

Finally, the ceiling. Well, that whole mess didn’t stick. It didn’t stick to my paintings and it isn’t sticking to me. I got them out, dried them off then resealed the door. And from this I thought two things. The first was that it was good to see my Goddess paintings again. I have been gone from them for too long. It was as if to say “don’t get distracted, we’re important, get back to your mission”. The other thought was the idea of being able to break through the “ceiling”.  Sometimes we feel stuck and can’t get past that ceiling that seems to hold us back from the next level. Well my ceiling dropped in I didn’t have to break it. And the next level isn’t another room with another ceiling. It’s the wide open sky. That’s how I see it. Something has changed, nothing is holding me back and the sky is the limit!

A slug, a ceiling, a quilt, a friend and family.

Thanks Percival, ahem, I mean Rosie.

I had hoped to sleep in today. Hahaha. Nope. So as long as I was up, I made coffee then proceeded to get sucked into the abyss that is Pinterest. And as these early morning reveries go, I’ve decided that I must fashion my life so that have an official studio/shop where all I do all day long is paint and create and everyone in turn will discover and be so impressed with my amazing gifts and talents that I will then become known far and wide for (no not my run on sentences but) these things and they will decide that they simply must support me in my creative endeavors because of course I am bringing so much beauty and important messages to mankind and therefore I will be able to live and eat comfortably for the rest of my life. Yeah. That.

  Mari is a Basque Goddess. She is one of the few Basque deities that survived Christianity. She is associated with storms, wind, hail and nature. It said she lives underground in a cave and when she rides through the sky you’ll know! Mari is wild and free. She is a powerful natural force that moves through us all. She is ancient and she won’t hesitate to call you out, force you to see your illusions and change your unhealthy strategies. Like the wind she will blow through, creating storms where necessary. When those storms come up, look for the opportunities. Understand that when the wind blows down those branches, it is because they were old, damaged or dead. They needed to be cleared in order to allow for new healthier growth. Hers is a “big picture” wisdom. She does not care for small minds or personal drama. She asks you to redefine yourself and see how you fit into that big picture. There is no time to waste. Learn how to ride those storms and bend with the wind. Learn what it is you need to do and apply yourself to that bigger destiny. Perhaps you are Mari and you need to learn to use your voice to teach others these things. Show them their illusions, initiate them to a higher level of being. But do not get caught up in the drama. Be a force of nature, no judgement, only action. (Excerpt from the upcoming Goddess Coloring Book! Stay tuned!)

Early on in my life I learned that I could hear dead people. I didn’t always see them so much, but I could hear. It upset me. They were never unkind or anything, I didn’t fear them, I feared the living. What would people think of me? Would they think I was crazy? Hearing voices? I did my best to keep it quiet.

Now that I am older and have experienced so much more, I am letting it be known that I do this. I have seen how it can help people and I’d like to be able to help. My fears have gone from caring about what people think of me to the fear of letting people down. I gave my first reading last night. One in which I simply sat down with the client, we poured a cup of tea and I listened. I was worried that I wouldn’t pick up on anyone or that no one would show up. I needn’t have worried. It was quite a busy night.

I can hear spirits, I don’t control them. I can’t force them to show up. And if they show up, I can’t force them to talk. I don’t decide who steps into the room and it might not have been who you had hoped for.  As I have more successes I’m feeling better about what I do. Life is a strange thing. So many twists and turns. But for me it’s really nice to know, really know, that once the body dies it isn’t the end. And although our loved ones seem to be gone after they die, you might be surprised to learn that they are much closer than you think.  (photo credit: here)