I haven’t painted in awhile. It’s bugging me. I did some of the background for Santa Muerte then stopped. I’ve been feeling frustrated and distracted by many things in life. Then today, I heard from the dead in a pretty dramatic fashion, as it is when someone who dies violently comes through. And I’ve thought alot again about this particular goddess. There is such a need for her, for those lost souls, living and dead. I need to finish her and I need to do it soon.
I didn’t sleep last night. A certain little one kept me awake. And if it wasn’t her, it was my thoughts. This morning, feeling hung over from lack of sleep and stressed from lack of funds, I decided I needed to do something creative. I need to petition Santa Muerte. She helps outcasts from society, the poor, the LGBT community, criminals. It is interesting to me to see so many goddesses that help the outsiders, those who cannot make problems go away or be fixed by throwing money at it. Often we are the ones who don’t have a voice and we don’t have a choice. What is left to us is MAGIC. I sometimes think of it as a last resort, I need to think of it as my first choice.
I decided I would re sketch my Sante Muerte. I see her differently now than in my first drawing. Then I will begin painting. She has been on my mind all morning. As I’m about to jump in the shower, my 2 year old daughter hands me a little slip of paper. One of the papers on which I had written out all the names of my goddesses that I’ll be painting. She hands it to me and asks “Does this say I love you?” I looked down and laughed. No, it said “Santa Muerte.”
I was in the shower when I heard her. Sante Muerte. And I thought, maybe she loves me. I hoped so. I told her I was tired. She said it wasn’t over yet. I started crying and said “but I’m so tired!” She said “You’re stronger than you know.” I said that I didn’t want to be strong any more. I want things to be better and in my head I envisioned a beautiful home, a victorian greenhouse, all the luxuries that money can buy. She just looked at me. I said, “I want that”. She asked, “Do you?” ..I answered with a question,”Will I have it?” ..I heard a voice answer yes, but it wasn’t hers. It was mine. Wishful thinking maybe. I asked again and she looked at me and said “It’s undecided”. I felt taken aback and asked, “Who decides”. She looked at me with no emotion, her eyes staring right into my soul and said:
“You do.”
The next Goddess I will be painting is Sante Muerte. I see her all the time now, standing there, watching me, waiting. This is afterall, Her season. The season of death, the season of ancestors. There is always something more to learn. There are little deaths, there are literal deaths. The world is always dying. She is also giving birth. How will my labor be? What is it that I’m birthing? What has yet to die before I can be reborn? It’s happening already before the brush has hit the canvas. She’s calling… It’s time to die.
It seemed I had some preconceived ideas about the Goddess Pele, you know, the hot headed wild child of the Hawaiian Islands? She can be portrayed as quick tempered, vain and sexual. (Not that that’s a bad thing…)
The last time I worked with her, only briefly, a few things that I needed to happen quickly did. So I was thinking of her, or her energy, as being one that can get things moving or happen quickly. And yes that’s true but…there is a much greater depth to it.
My painting of Her was progressing smoothly. I felt happy with it, excited about it. Then I stopped. Things came up. After a couple of days I realized that I had planned to be finished with her by then and instead I hadn’t painted at all. And I realized I hadn’t really stepped into her energy at all either. Instead of go, go, go, in the way I thought she was, she made me stop to understand more completely the idea behind the movement.
Pele doesn’t move randomly or impulsively. She moves instinctually. Her movements are about trust and the flow of the universe. And when you find yourself in that flow you cannot afford to stop and think, you cannot over analyze or you will crash and burn, miss opportunities. Pele is teaching me to trust my instincts and my intuition. She is teaching me to grasp life, but don’t hang on. It is more experiencial and a letting go. She teaches us not to question but to enjoy the ride.
Let go of your fear and ride the mountain. Feel the movement and make a hundred tiny adjustments for balance so that you don’t get creamed on the way down. You won’t have time to think about it you can only react to it. Adjust, move, balance, breath, flow… rinse and repeat. Read the rest of this entry
Beginning Pele. Things always move when she comes into my life. In the past, she’s brought money too! Ooh, crossing fingers! Here we go!
Its been waaay too long since I’ve worked on Sedna. I’ve been distracted by life and survival…If only I didn’t have to pay bills and eat…then I could just paint and paint and paint! The ironic thing is I know that by painting, I will eventually be able to pay bills and eat..eventually. In the meantime…
I cannot allow myself to get distracted. I need to survive yes, but I cannot doubt and I have to follow my passion, my mission.
I’m going to do a reading for myself and I’ll share it in just a bit. I pulled Copper Woman. I’m going to see what she has to say.
Then I shall paint. :)
Zaramama is the Inca Goddess of grain, corn in particular. Sometimes when an unusually shaped ear of corn is found it is dressed as Zaramama and is used as a symbol for good luck to the finder, a cause for celebration. Stalks of corn are sometimes hung in willow trees as a way to honor Her and celebrate. She is the goddess I pulled for today.
In the Surcadian Oracle, Zaramama is the number 3 card found in the South position on the wheel. She sits in the East direction of the southern point on the wheel opposite of Sante Muerte. While Sante Muerte is about introspection and moving inward, Zaramama is about inquisitiveness and reaching out.
She asks us to celebrate the uniqueness within us. She asks us to explore and celebrate the uniqueness in others. Approach life with a childlike wonder. In that are the seeds for new growth. The seeds you plant today quickly take form and will be ready for harvest soon. Watch what you are planting. Let go of your fears and anger. If possible get into the dirt today, do some gardening, release and recharge with the help of Earth. Be playful if you can. Look at the things in your life that you can celebrate. They may be tiny, like a seed, but they will grow.
Sunshine is important as well. Get light into you. If it’s cloudy where you are, go outside anyway. Remember that the rain is necessary for growth as well.
Zaramama can teach us patience and acceptance. She teaches us to be aware and in tune with the world and it’s energies. Pay attention to your physical self and it’s needs. Like the corn sprouting, it can sometimes be hard to push through the earth and begin your journey upward. An accepting loving attitude can help with the transition. Be kind to yourself.
The first of my Goddess Readings using the goddesses from my upcoming oracle deck. NunGeena revealed herself to be the energy today. This is Her brief story followed by my insight.
Baiame created a beautiful earth, resplendent and ready for man. Marmoo, in his jealousy set out to destroy it. He created a plague of insects that ravished all the living things. Leaving, seemingly nothing left. Baiame came to NunGeena. She had some flowers hidden away. Marimoo’s army wouldn’t dare come too close to her or her flowers. From these flowers she fashioned a bird. Baiame breathed life into it and it began to eat the bugs. Nungeena gathered her maidens and they too began to create birds. Birds of water and birds of heaven. They were hungry and they ate and ate until balance was restored.
Today many of us find ourselves “plagued”. What we once had is being eaten away. We are losing our jobs, our homes, our cars, our health, our relationships. We are left with seemingly nothing. But we do have something. Hidden within each of us is a flower, a gift, a light, a seed. It is in a place that no one can touch. It is time for us to re-examine our resources. It is time to stop looking at what has been lost but assess and accept our situation. Look at what is left. With what we have, allow Spirit to guide us and use it to create. From a flower, came a bird. A bird of beauty. How can beauty save the world? It was hungry. It eats and eats and eats and eats and clears away the destruction. It picks the hate, the fear the doubt and eats it. We are hungry for beauty we must fill ourselves with that. Create. Sometimes we are asked to do the spiritual thing, not the logical thing. We are asked to caste aside doubt and create even when we cannot understand how it may help or how it can cure or how it can stop the destruction and loss. Sometimes we must do the magical thing. We are never closer to god or the goddess when we create. This is the Dreamtime. All things are possible. If we don’t like this reality we must create a new one. Create, breathe, trust. It is the nature of the bird to eat. Don’t judge your resources, use them. Use their nature. Use the nature of the beast. Work within the nature of creation and magic happens.
One of the reasons for me to do all of these paintings is because I wish to use the art for a deck of Goddess Cards: The Surcadian Oracle. Because they will eventually be used for divination I decided to start using them as such here. I think about once a week or so, I’ll pull out one of these goddesses at “random” and see what the energy is. I’ll share it here and would love any feedback if you feel called! I’ll keep you posted.
So stinkin’ cute! Now I get to collect seal photos for references as they’ll be included in the next painting.