Whenever I work on a new goddess, I live their energy and explore that archetype. Whether I want to or not. Erzulie was rough. And now Isis, She’s a pretty tough chick.
After seeing modern and historical depictions of her I thought of her as this queen, poised and elegant. When I dreamt of her She scared the crap out of me. She was real. She was down and dirty. She was assembling body parts and looking at me in a way that told me I had better watch and learn, that I needed to do this too.
Pulling all the pieces together, reassembling them animating them, breathing into them new life. In the same way She brought life to her husband. When I first dreamt of her, I thought I understood what she was saying. Now as I paint her, I am learning all over again.
A couple of weeks ago I woke to intense neck and shoulder pain. What I later believed to be a whole lot of “stuckness” in my life that manifested physically in order to better get my attention. It got my attention.
Isis, once again is giving me the opportunity to get my shit together. Not only on a physical level, but all levels. The pain made me stop and think about all my pieces, all my thoughts, all my endeavors, all my scattered or stuck energy. These are the things that need to come together. But not before I simplify. Not before I am really clear about what it is I want to create and to recognize what it is I’m creating if I leave things as they are.
I haven’t been able to work anymore on my painting after the initial layout. I haven’t been ready. I’ve had to learn before She’d let me go there.
So I’ve been collecting my stories, my thoughts, my observations, my experiences. I’ve been sorting through to make connections and to find direction. To breathe into them new life…or not.
As I mentally simplified all my scattered thoughts, their “forms” disappeared and I began to recognize them as simply energy. Energy in and energy out. I reviewed what I was putting out and what I was taking in. Masculine/Feminine, Yin/Yang, Good/Bad, were all just judgements. I realized that when I simplified it, it was all just energy and it was different levels of acceptance and rejection of that energy that was leading to imbalance.
I noticed a sort of energetic hoarding due to fears and judgements. That’s what I felt in my shoulders. Stress, fear, tension. I’m letting that go now. It takes conscious effort but I am now far less concerned with the labeling and judgement and more concerned with the movement of energy.
Like breathing. I breathe in and I breathe out. I move and I flow. It’s sad that such a natural thing does not come naturally to me. I think it must have at one time, far too long ago now for me to remember. What I chose to remember now is this: I don’t exhale with the fear that I won’t be able to inhale again. There is plenty of air. It’s all around me. Thank you Isis. I think it’s time to paint.