Yesterday I had surgery on my ankle. They removed all the screws and plates and various hardware that was implanted last year after I broke it.
The breaking of that ankle seemed the marker for the beginning of a personal journey. Everything I believed was tested. Nearly everything I feared, I faced.
The Wheel of Fortune in the Tarot, very much sums up the cycle that I’ve been living. Of course everything in life is cyclical, not linear, as so many believe. The trick to a circular life is that when you come around to that starting point again, you are hopefully wiser, braver and stronger so you can choose differently and begin a new and better cycle.
Last year not only did I break my ankle, but because of that I lost several jobs and income we were counting on to be able to move. Not being able to walk or move around without crutches and pain made it necessary to call on many friends to help us pack. And then to move. Most of our things went into storage, much of it we had to leave behind.
Some friends agreed to let us stay with them for a period of time. When that time was up, we still were unable to find anything. We stayed on the road and in hotels until we landed with some more friends.
Our time here is nearly up and although we don’t have anywhere as of yet to go, we are very, very close.
I had been exploring and releasing this whole poverty consciousness within me for some time but this journey brought so much into VERY sharp focus.
First thing is the immense gratitude I feel toward all my friends. From kind words, to new shoes, to dinners out to packing, moving, even letting us crash in on them dog and all! It’s huge. The power of community is huge. I am forever grateful for my community.
I learned how little I cared about things as I had to leave them behind. People matter, not things. I always believed that but there is a completely different feeling that was added to that belief once it was lived.
I realize I don’t have time to screw around anymore and not follow whole heartedly my dreams. As hard as we worked, taking any job we could, accepting stop gap measures, we ended up homeless anyway. It’s easy to react in fear and only look at short term solutions even when that means we get screwed over long term. Not anymore.
I see how I can push even harder when I thought I was at my limit. We all have a little more to give. Sometimes we just need to find the right motivation. At the same time, I learned that I need to push less and be gentle with myself, allow others to step up so they can learn their strength too.
Communication and respect have always been important to me, but living in someone else’s space made me hyper aware of what was around me, how I was living, how I was contributing or detracting from the situation. It also allowed me to understand the victim/rescuer paradigm in a close up and personal way. I do not like being considered a victim.
I see now how I have allowed that to happen by allowing particular treatment. No more. Speaking up, setting boundaries, adjusting attitudes…there have been many sleepless nights, so much examination of myself.
I see how spirit can move us to one place and another not only for what we can learn, but for what others can as well. None of us live in a vacuum. So much good can come of it if it is allowed.
We started off losing quite a lot. I gained some screws (in my ankle) and I felt screwed (by life).
Now those screws have been removed. The cycle is completing. My ankle is healing, there is money in the bank, we are ready to go as soon as the opportunity presents. The Wheel of Fortune seems to be turning around, but this time I am wiser, braver and stronger. This time my decisions will be based on my new experiences and will move us forward on a better journey, and finally, a better turn of the wheel.
Photo is of the Isidore Tarot by Bajema find it HERE